Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Star Trek Fan Fiction: the adventures of Dr. Carol Marcus

Star Trek Fan Fiction: the adventures of Dr. Carol Marcus.
I always imagine actress Alice Eve as Dr. Marcus.
Dr. Carol Marcus is a university professor of biology.
She is 75-years-old. She only has 2 PhDs. The majority of people on the planet has more than 10 PhDs. She is still a minor and legally not allowed to watch porn. She is the youngest scientist in the solar system.
The average human lifespan is 300 years.
She is considered the most intelligent scientist in the world, the only one able to fluently speak dolphin language.
She doesn't have a fixed residence. Like most people on Earth, she lives in a car. A flying car. Her car is bigger than a bus, with a toilet and bathroom.

The G7 is a group consisting of the most intelligent species on the planet.
The G7 includes dolphins, crows, whales, octopuses, gorillas.
Human beings are not part of the G7. Many humans have vehemently protested the G7 elitism, demanding human participation in the G7. Dolphins, as always, counter-argue, claiming that the G7 discussions are "beyond human understanding".

Dolphins and Vulcans are the only species that understand teletransporter technology.
Teleporters are deemed too dangerous to be used by humans on Earth. Only the Star Fleet is allowed to use teleporters.

Dolphin language has long been a mystery to humans. Dr. Carol Marcus is the only one who speaks it fluently. The universal translator always translates anything that dolphins say as "so long and thanks for all the fish". Scientists have fiercely debated about its meaning. Nobody knows what that sentence actually means. Dr. Marcus refuses to explain it saying that "it is beyond human understanding".
Some scientists argue that Dr. Marcus is NOT refusing to explain, and that sentence actually means "it is beyond human understanding".

Scientists have finally discovered what many have long suspected: dolphins are actually laughing at humans. Dolphins have always seem to be laughing at humans. That is because they are.

Scientists have developed the universal translator. It consists of a pair of contact lenses. When someone speaks to you in a foreign language, the contact lenses translate and show you subtitles in your language. You will be able to see the subtitles right under the foreign speaker. Since the subtitles appear directly on the contact lenses, only you are able to see the subtitles.

The universal translator not only translates human languages, but also animal languages. Dumb humans are finally able to talk to other animals.

A long debate has been raging among scientist about which species first domesticated humans. Dogs and cats each claim to be the first.
World-wide renowed scientist Dr. Marcus was finally called to express her opinion. She believes that horses were the first species to fully domesticate human beings.

The Eugenic Wars, which is the war between humanity and genetically engineered humans led by Khan, destroyed most of the records concerning 20th and 21st century.
So those centuries are now known as "The Darker Ages".

Nobody knows what the middle finger gesture is. The middle finger gesture was widely used by humans during "The Darker Ages", the 20th and 21st century.
Some scientists believe it meant "I love you", because many people who loved each other used to wear rings on the fingers. So the gesture was meant to show the finger so that the other person would put the ring.
But other scientists dispute that claim.
Dr. Marcus was called to express her opinion. She refused by saying "I am a biologist, not a historian".

The president of the United States is making headlines again by insisting on being called "Mr. Piggy".
Scientists have recently discovered that humans in the 21st century used to worship a pig called "Miss Piggy".
The president keeps bragging that he is "the biggest pig on Earth".
The opposition suspects that the president may be linked to pig supremacists, a secret criminal organization that believes pigs are the supreme species on the planet.
Pigs are among the richest species on Earth, while humans have long been among the poorest.
On his campaign trail the president vowed to improve the economic conditions of humans. And many humans believed and voted for him.
But the opposition has fiercely argued that the current policies will only benefit the rich pigs and not humans.

Hollywood Reporter has just selected the sexiest chick in Hollywood on this month's issue.
Chickens have long dominated the movie industry in Hollywood, much to the chagrin of humans who this year have made less than 7% of the highest-grossing movies.
Bovine Hollywood, aka Bollywood has also produced many successful films but according to the critics, in terms of sexiness the cows of India are still no match to the chicks of Hollywood.

Chickens dominate Hollywood, cows dominate Bollywood but it is cats who dominate the pussy industry, also known as porn industry.
Cats in Los Angeles produce more porn films than any other species in the solar system. Cats are able to spend most of their waking time either sleeping or licking themselves. No other species has been more prolific in pussy activities than cats.

Researchers have found out a wildly popular website in the 21st century called YouTube. Scientists believe it was the most popular porn website in the world due to the large number of cat videos uploaded to the site.

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